When Pressured to Exchange the Gift of Singleness: 10 Things You Must Remember…

“So have you given an answer to that brother who proposed to you?”

Yes sir.

“What was the response? Was it positive?”

No… No sir.

“Why? Did you really pray or was your answer based on prejudice?” “You know what prejudice is…?”

“I know some sisters who when they were younger kept saying NO to brothers who sought their hands in marriage, now they are older – no brother is coming. You know, women are like flowers, after a while, they fade away…

And if I am correct, this is the only brother I know that has come to propose to you. That other sister has about six (6) brothers making proposals to her. She’ll soon come around and give her reply so she could let the others go.

The reason I’m saying this is so that you’ll really be sure of the answer you’re giving…”

Those were around the lines of this heart-piercing counsel I got.

I died!

The only thing my breathing body could do was say – “thank you sir” – gently walk away and dropped into a chair.

I was tired, confused and disappointed.

Yes, disappointed. I didn’t expect it to come that unpalatable from that respectable person. (That’s bygone and forgotten anyway)

But at that moment, my heart was so heavy that I had to go find somewhere quiet within the church premises where we were and just – cried out. I let the tears flow as I reported the matter to my Father. Then, I felt relieved and stronger.

Thanks to my glasses; I just covered my eyes and resurfaced – like nothing happened.

Well, that was years ago. I’ve grown to be much stronger by God’s grace… But as the years roll by accompanied with other candidates (qualified but unapproved) – backed up by advocating Godfathers and/or Godmothers – the pressure buttons keep changing and intensifying…

And yes dear sis, you experience things like this right? Probably, even much worse…

Maybe from family (biological and spiritual), friends and acquaintances; all the – so when are we coming, what’s keeping you, who are you waiting for…?

Oh well, those questions could be called “well-meaning concerns” from those who care about us; but the saddening thing about it is the pressure and push into a wrong choice in which it gets many young women into.

So, let me categorize all that as – the Pressure Without…

How about – the Pressure Within…

The lonely lonely times, the desire for human companionship and intimacy that can’t be appropriately met outside marriage, those days you need to talk to someone – someone who feels your heart beat…

All those – the pressures without and within – could so drag singles into desperately exchanging this gift of singleness for what they think can solve their problems – marriage.

But, in the midst of these pressures, God wants you and I to always remember  –

1. Singleness is a gift from God: Singleness! A gift? Yes, it is. Addressing the issue of marriage and singleness in 1 Corinthians chapter 7, Paul, inspired by the Spirit, wrote – “But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that” (verse 7). And the gift here doesn’t differ in meaning from the ones in 1 Corinthian chapter 12. Does God make mistakes, or give us gifts of no worth or benefit? No! And why does He give each of us diverse gifts? – “For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ” (Ephesians 4:12). It’s not for us to hold grudgingly as we eagerly await the “better gift” – marriage. So dear single sister, God has given us this precious gift of singleness, for this season, so we could serve Him (I Corinthian 7:34). Now that our hands aren’t filled with care for husband and children, He wants us to open up this gift, like the alabaster box, and let its fragrance sweeten the lives around you. Instead of throwing this precious gift back to God in anger, use it to bear much fruit; so that you’ll as well get that reply – “Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord” (Matthew 25:21).
2. God has a set plan for every one; ours is to pray and trust Him: Most times, we are pressured into this thinking – all my friends are married/getting married, every young woman around me seem to be getting hooked up and happily married. But we forget God’s word that says – “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end” (Jeremiah 29:11). God knows the beginning from the end, and His ways and plans are always best. All we have to do is to make our requests and desires known unto Him, and trust Him. To do that, you have to begin the PUSH in prayer now! And when you’ve prayed, hold on! Hope deferred is not hope denied; it is desire doubled.
3. The better person you become, the better person you attract: A lot of young women keep their life on hold; watching and waiting for this prince charming to appear, sweep them off their feet, and make their life happen. No growth or development – spiritually, mentally, academically, professionally, financially,… Nothing; just “awaiting marriage”. Because everything screams into their ears – get married! If Ruth was just sitting around, maybe at home with Naomi, I wonder if Boaz would have met her, and even if they somehow crossed path along the road, I wonder if he would have agreed to marry her if he hadn’t noticed her diligence and sense of dignity.
4. You do your husband good, all the days of your life: Getting in and out of different relationships, entanglements, and intimacy (emotionally and/or physically) seem to be a lifestyle for lots of girls, until they feel they finally meet this man – “yes, I’ll now settle down with him in marriage” they say. They feel being single gives you the liberty to flirt around, emotionally and/or physically. But Proverbs 31:12 tells us this about the virtuous woman – “She will do him (her husband) good and not evil all the days of her life”. And when does one’s life start – when you say “I do”? No! The day you walk into this world. That is to say, you don’t share with any man the affection and intimacy (emotional and physical) that should appropriately be given to your husband alone. Don’t let the pressure drive you into hook-ups that won’t do your future marriage any good.
5. Your husband is going to be your head; you better get the one that fits: Ephesians 5:23 tells us that “ the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church”.  Don’t be pushed to gamble around, and just say yes to the next available man. You know how important your head is, right? It carries the eyes, ears, mouth, nose, brain… If that head is not a good fit for you the neck (as help meet), you’ll just suffer… You know what it’s like wearing an under-sized or over-sized shoe – discomfort! That’s why you really have to PRAY and WATCH.
6. Who to marry is a choice YOU have to make: Amidst all the recommendations and link ups, remember that none of those people will get into that marriage with you. You’ll face it alone – whether good or bad. So make the final choice yourself; of course, after you’ve consulted God. And remember, two can’t walk together except they be agreed (Amos 3:3); be not equally yoked together with unbelievers (2 Corinthian 6:14). If you’re a Christian, you’re not trying to get into a relationship with an unbeliever with the mindset of – “I will pray and preach him into being a believer”. You’re not the Holy Spirit… Marriage is till death do you part. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16).
7. The single you is the married you: Saying “I do” will not instantly change who you are or what was already inside of you. If you are lazy, prideful, an emotional wreck, uncouth, stubborn, lustful; you’re sure going to carry that baggage into your home. And guess the outcome – Catastrophe! So it’s high time you, through God’s grace, start dealing with any negative trait as you build up positive ones.
8. Don’t let your desire drive you into dirty desperation: I’ve seen lots of girls throw decency and dignity to the wind, all in the quest for a husband. They flirt, stalk, mummy, seduce, and even trap their target by making him get her – pregnant. Girl, that’s a dirty game that has a drastic end; don’t even think about it.
9. No man can completely satisfy your desires: If you get into marriage thinking that a man can satisfy all your needs, you’re headed for the rocks. No one can, not even the best husband on earth. Only Jesus, our Heavenly Bridegroom can. If you don’t find satisfaction and fulfillment in Him now you’re single, you’ll walk into that marriage that you think is an answer to everything you want, only to discover that you still feel – empty and dissatisfied.
10. Marriage is a beautiful gift; patiently look forward to it: One dead end the devil could push a single woman into is to think – “what’s this whole fuss about marriage; I could just busy my life and forget about it”. You know, the marriage union between a man and woman gives a picture of Christ and the Church (His bride). The devil will do everything to ruin it and make it less appealing and important. But don’t give him a space to do that. Don’t forget about marriage if God hasn’t told you to do so. It’s a beautiful gift that God willing, each of His children could receive.

 

But more than the earthly marriage, there’s a greater marriage coming soon – The Marriage Supper of the Lamb. Let’s all prepare for that grand marriage in Heaven, in which we’ll hear…

It Will Be Great!

 

P.S. Our RADIANT PURITY blog series is just two weeks way!! Don’t miss it!

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