Purity: A Line or a Lifestyle?

How far is too far in my relationship with guys? Where do I draw the boundary?

I’ve been abused… I’ve lost my virginity… So this purity thing doesn’t apply to me anymore.

That purity word shouldn’t be thrown around anymore. I tried keeping it, but it just doesn’t work out today. Everyone should be left to their own sexual choices…

Girl, I guess you can relate with some of such talks, right? You probably have one of those lingering in your mind, or you’ve heard and seen a lot of people make such assertions.

Purity is seen as – this line that should not be crossed, so I could just dance around but avoid crossing that line; or a line that has been crossed, so my purity story is over; or this line that no one can avoid stepping on or crossing.

But could that really be all about purity?

Let’s find out!

As always, from the infallible word of God – the Bible.

Our Sexuality Story, The Why of Purity

An understanding of the essence of our sexuality gives the basic answer to the why and how of purity. That’s what we explored in the first topic of our Radiant Purity series. If you missed it, you really need to go and read it. We saw that – There’s much more to sexuality than connecting and catching. Head over here and read it now.

Having seen that by God’s design, our sexuality is based on a covenant relationship; therefore sexual intimacy should be expressed and experienced only within the marriage union, with your spouse (one woman to one man). What then should be an appropriate sexual conduct outside this man-woman marriage union?

How should purity and sexual integrity be maintained?

No sexual intercourse? So you could feed your eyes and ears with those sexualized stuffs, fantasize those romantic scenes , date and flirt around, fondle yourself, cuddle and make out in different ways with your boyfriend or girlfriend or just any guy; but – don’t get into the real act.

Don’t cross that line!

Understanding Purity…

The word “purity” means – lack of dirt and free from all corruption. In this context of sexual purity, this means refraining from all thoughts and acts that promote desires or fulfill sexual longings outside the standard and boundaries of God’s word.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-7, gives us a picture of God’s will and command for a life of Purity –

³ For this is the will of God, that you be sanctified [separated and set apart from sin]: that you abstain and back away from sexual immorality; ⁴ that each of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor [being available for God’s purpose and separated from things profane], ⁵ not [to be used] in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God and are ignorant of His will; ⁶ and that [in this matter of sexual misconduct] no man shall transgress and defraud his brother because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, just as we have told you before and solemnly warned you. ⁷ For God has not called us to impurity, but to holiness [to be dedicated, and set apart by behavior that pleases Him, whether in public or in private]. (AMP)

That is explicitly clear, right?

So from the verses above, we see that purity is not an option to choose if you like the idea, neither is it a word that should or has passed away with time. Like people say – this is the 21^st century; purity isn’t possible today. But girl, the world can say and think all it likes, but the Truth of God’s word, it abides forever – it cannot change.

And yes, if you think by keeping or losing your virginity, you are pure or not pure, respectively, listen to this…

Purity Does Not Equal Virginity and Abstinence

You get that right? That you just keep that technical virginity doesn’t confer on you the purity title, neither does losing that technical virginity make you lose purity forever. There’s a life of PURITY BEYOND TECHNICAL ‘VIRGINITY’… Yes, being a virgin is beautiful and rewarding, but… it’s just one part of the purity story – it’s incomplete.

We are beings, created with and comprising of – spirit, soul and body. Therefore, purity involves and encompasses a life of – emotional, mental, as well as physical purity. As 1 Corinthians 6:20 says – “… glorify God in your body and in your spirit which are God’s”.

You can’t be playing out those sexual images in your mind and still claim to be pure; you’re compromising mental purity. You can’t just throw your heart and soul to a man who isn’t your husband; emotional purity is compromised. When you or someone else plays around with your body for pleasure, your physical purity is compromised.

So you see…

Purity is more than a Line, it’s a Lifestyle

A lifestyle is a way of living. And by now, I guess you understand that sexual purity is and should be a way of living, not just a line.

So, if you want to have, for example, a healthy eating lifestyle, what do you do?

You hook up with a diet expert, check your diet, remove the “bad foods” and fill it up with the “good foods”; as recommended by the dietitian. Correct? Yes!

That’s how we should approach this issue of purity; we need to build a lifestyle of sexual purity.

We can’t just leave our sexuality to chance and expect to have purity as a lifestyle. We need to connect with the purity expert – God, remove the “anti-purity food” and replace them with the “purity foods”.

Because of the story our sexuality tells, the devil fights so hard, leaving no stone unturned, firing the missiles in every direction, to be sure he makes a mess of that beautiful picture. Our sexuality is a battlefield; if you let your guard loose, the enemy will strike you down. Your guard must be on, always, as a lifestyle.

So how do I build that lifestyle, you ask.

HEDGE Your Vineyard

Girl, your life is like a vineyard – a field where grapes are grown – and you have tender grapes in it. As a good vine dresser does, you ought to protect and nurture your vineyard so that its tender grape matures and blossoms… And just at the right time, you’ll hear the voice of your God-sent love (like Solomon to the Shulamite woman) saying – “… the vines with the tender grape give a good smell. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away” (Songs of Solomon 2:13).

But if you have no hedge for that vineyard, you’ll simply be calling in wild animals for a feast, and guess what they’ll do – they’ll trample on and make a mess of those tender grapes.

So girl, in the next six studies, I want to give you practical guidelines on how to build H.E.D.G.E.S. in your vineyard. And you know why you need those hedges? – So that you protect your vineyard, and then nurture and nourish it.

These HEDGES are practical steps I and a lot of other women apply in our individual fight for sexual purity and integrity; like you know, no one is immune to sexual compromise. The bible says – “let he that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall” (1 Corinthians 10:12). So if you think you’ve got no need for the HEDGES – “it can’t happen to me” – then you’ve just set yourself up for a fall.

The path of sexuality is like a slippery slope, you get on it without holding on to something, you’ll slide uncontrollably down to that line you much dreaded, and you won’t even stop. You’ll keep sliding downwards till you completely crash. That’s why you hear people say – “it happened in split of seconds, I didn’t plan for it, I didn’t know it was coming, and before long everything was over…” The truth is that, they left their vineyard unguarded, and even when the alarm was ringing, signaling – intruder gaining entry – because they had no checks, they felt they were still safe, until… their minds, emotions and/or body got consumed in sexual passions.

 “I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please” (Song Sol. 2:7).

And how did I come about these HEDGES?

From digging dip into God’s word, as well as working with, and learning from the life of other young women – those who succeeded and those who failed in the battle for sexual purity – what contributed to their success/failure stories.

And I want you to have a success story.

But I’m…

Imprisoned by my Past

The past, especially one that comes with – pain, hurt, disappointment, shame, fear, and addiction – leaves a lot of young women wondering if purity could still be a topic for them. Some girls have, maybe due to carelessness, ignorance, or self-will given their purity away. While for some other girls, they have this painful #metoo story of abuse; their purity and sexual innocence was ripped away from them.

But girl, no matter where your past has you captive, you are the exact candidate for purity.

Why? How?

In the first place, “all have sinned and come short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). We were all born sinners, with different stories of impurity. That’s the reason Jesus came to – bind up the broken hearted and  set the captives free (Isaiah 61:1 John 3:16). And that’s the important part of the story. You can be free!

So how do I get this freedom, you ask.

One word for you – FLEE!

Flee to Jesus in repentance asking for mercy and grace. (Matthew 11:28-30 Acts 4:12)

Flee from the source of abuse or sexual sin. Like Joseph, flee… Don’t think of the consequence or outcome of fleeing. It will always work out for good. (Genesis 39:12 1Corinthians 6:18 2Timothy 2:22)

Flee to a trusted Godly woman for counsel, encouragement and healing. (James 5:16)

Dear girl, you can’t talk about building HEDGES in your vineyard if you’ve left those precious pearls of yours in the hands of the devil and some gullible persons and things, who will trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you. (Matthew 7:6)

God loves you so much and has a beautiful and bright future for you, but to have that, you must do this right away – FLEE!

A Lifestyle of Love, not Rules or Legalism

If you take these practical guidelines we’ll be discussing as a list of rules, it won’t just work… because – you’ll simply pull it up, tie it round your neck, work hard to try keeping it, get weary and tired, and then drop it off and go back to your past lifestyle.

If you see it as a legalistic law, you won’t benefit… because – you’ll simply read it, turn your eyes the other way before the point even gets down your throat, and walk away saying, like those disciples – this is a hard saying, who can hear it.

If you read it with the eyes of love – Love for God, love for others, love for yourself – your life will be transformed… because – you’ll open up your heart to how God’s Spirit directs you to build these HEDGES in your life.

Girl, the life of purity that God desires, and I want us all to have is – one that flows from inside you, out, and spreads to those around. A glowing kind of purity…

Radiant Purity… That Purity is possible today!

Yes, it may appear – difficult – but God’s grace makes it so much easier than you can imagine.

Trust Him!

So next week, we’ll pick letter H from our HEDGES, as we explore the source of Radiant Purity.

You don’t have to miss this!

Yea! But before you walk away, I’ll love to hear from you. Drop your comments in the box below. Or, contact me here.

Let’s talk RADIANT PURITY!

Remain Radiant!