Smoke suddenly streamed out of the car bonnet. The driver brought the car to a stop and everyone hurriedly jumped out of the car amidst shouts of – Stop! Jesus! Jesus! Help!
A young man quickly rushed to the car, carefully opened the bonnet, looked in, slipped his hand somewhere underneath the car, and did something… In a short while, the smoke disappeared.
What was the magic? He simply went to the source; the point that generated the smoke, and disconnected the wire. Y’all!
Girl, if the smoke of sexual impurity will be arrested, and purity restored and lived out, there’s this human source of the matters of life that must be addressed…
Can you guess what it is?
Yes! The heart…
The matter of the heart is so important that the bible tells us to – “Keep thy heart with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life” (Proverbs 4:23).
Talking about the heart here, I’m not referring to that organ that pumps blood in your body, but that center of your being that controls your – emotions, intellect and will – the source of desires, deliberations and decisions.
The Nature of the Heart
In man’s natural state, the heart is simply filthy – “ For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts…” (Mark 7: 21-23). So when the world says – “do what feels good to you”, “follow your heart” – just know that the unregenerate heart is going to lead you out of the abundance of filth in it…
So if we’re talking about guarding the heart, any use guarding something filthy, you ask. No!
But here is the interesting news – that heart can be made clean and pure. God says to us – “my son, give me thine heart” (Proverbs 23:26). As you do that in total repentance from sin, and like the Psalmist ask God to – “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10) – your heart will be made pure.
Then, you’re set to guard it from:
- Steamy thoughts
- Subtle intentions
- Stringed emotions
Sow an Image, Nurture a Thought, Reap an Action
Your heart is like a soil; it bears the fruit of seeds sown in it. The images we watch, the words we hear and read, our actions and interactions… They all fall on the heart and take root. If they’re filled with steamy romance and sexual scenes, they’ll grow up into a great harvest of sexually perverse fruits that will be reaped as an action. That’s why we have to watch what we allow to pass through the gate of our heart (we’ll discuss them in other part of the series).
So girl, the point is this – if you play out sexual scenes in your mind, fantasize being in the arms of that guy who caught your attention – you’re just on your way into the act, with the next available flight.
And not just that, the bible tells us that with that lustful thought in your heart, you’re already in the act – guilty of sexual impurity.
“Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman (man) to lust after her (him) hath committed adultery with her (him) already in his (her) heart”. [Matthew 5: 27-28]
How about those uncalled thoughts that just appear in my mind, you ask.
Yes! Some thoughts can fly across your mind just like a bird can fly across your head. But you don’t have to allow that thought to take root in your heart, just like you won’t let the bird perch and build a nest over your head. The mind is a battleground. That’s why the bible says we should take captive every thought to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5).
What do you do when you come face to face with such thoughts? How do you avoid nurturing it?
Recognize and take hold of that thought immediately, and – eject it out of your mind. Redirect your mind to something more profitable.
But here is a secret to winning that battle over your heart: Whatever you feed the most – fleshly desires or things of the Spirit – is what wins the battle. “For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting” (Galatians 6:8). The mind is not a vacuum; it must be filled with something. If you want the Spirit to win the battle in your heart – study, meditate, and memorize the scriptures; read inspiring materials; fellowship and make friends with Godly people. Deny lust and put it to death. (Colossians 3:5)
But how about the messy images in my heart already? They may not just “delete” from your head right away, but as you – repent, give your heart to God, and stuff it with truth from God’s word – those thoughts will through God’s grace, be brought under the captivity of God’s word.
The Heart Behind Those “Sweet” Actions…
“And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and subtil of heart” (Proverbs 6:10). If you read down this passage, you’ll see how this woman, by her “sweet” actions and affections, caught this young man in her web; and those actions were all products of a – subtle (crafty) heart.
So sis, my question for you is this: when you act up all good to that brother – preparing meals for him, always checking up to know if he’s fine, buying him gifts at every opportunity, showering him encouraging and endearment words, being “always there” for him… – what’s in your heart? What’s the intention behind those actions? – To ensnare him to take you to the altar? To get him entangled with your emotions? Or, for the ego – I can get the attention of any man I want?
If you’re guilty of any of such, the bible says – “That no man go beyond and defraud (take advantage of) his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified” (1 Thessalonians 4:6). Check the intentions of your heart… Repent! Guard your heart!
When the Heart Desires Emotional Strings
Women are emotional people; we desire and are prone to emotional attachments.
So you meet this guy, and immediately or after a while, something kind of clicks; you gradually so get into yourselves (intentionally or not) that you share everything about yourself with him except you body – I’ve not crossed that line. And the reason for such emotional attachment could be – “I kind of got attracted to him”. Or, you know how a sister’s tender heart could get easily confused and carried away by a man’s actions towards her – attention, gifts, care – that her heart just goes with the flow…
Anything wrong with that, you ask.
Well, let’s say this first. Yes, there could be times of – “wow… that brother’s cool”! He just caught your attention; not thinking of anything sexual. Or, you kind of start developing this “soft spot” for that male friend, and your heart gradually seem to get drawn to him.
So what’s next? Can’t we just get into something more deep – get to know each other so well, talk over the phone all day (what you had for breakfast, what colour of cloth you’re wearing out today…), throw affection on each other, etc – just attach emotionally, nothing else.
Back to the sexuality story… God designed “yada” (to know and be deeply known) for the marriage relationship – whether emotionally or physically – that deep connection shouldn’t be shared with just anybody.
That’s why we clearly defined purity as not just a line – physical (keeping your virginity) – but what you do with every part of your being.
Not just that, the bible says that – “the unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit…” (1 Corinthians 7: 34). But today, a lot of young women are now “married singles”. They’re so engrossed with the “cares of a boyfriend” – he hasn’t called me this morning, hope he’ll like my new hairstyle, I’ve not told him I’m off to visit my uncle, what will he love to take for supper…
And when that relationship has to end, a piece of their heart is left with this guy – the next guy comes along and walks away with another piece, and the trend continues… If she doesn’t get to ask the Potter (God) to mend that broken heart of hers’, what will she meet her future husband with – broken and unsticky heart. She’s quick to compare what he does with how her past – Paul will act, Peter will react and Prince will do. All because of the past emotional baggage carried all along… The heart is very good at keeping records.
In fact, a research from The National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia reports this – “What happens in Vegas doesn’t stay in Vegas, so to speak. Actually, what people do before marriage appears to matter. Specifically, how they conduct their romantic lives before they tie the knot is linked to their odds of having happy marriages.”
You see, God has your interest in mind when He tells you to – “Guard your heart…” (Proverbs 4:23).
So how do I handle friendship with the opposite gender?
Be a girl of Emotional Integrity. This means you are – aware of the possibility of getting emotionally attached, alert (able to think clearly and notice things) in your friendships, and honest enough to yourself to say – “I need to apply checks here” (we’ll talk about some of such checks/boundaries latter).
Like I’ll always do when my heart wants to run off… I’ll run to God with my heart in my hands, and sincerely say – “God, here is my heart, keep it safe in your hands till you hand it over to that precious son of yours when comes along”. He faithfully answers such prayer.
Does that mean I can’t date a guy I like?
Oh well, with all the facts and figures from the dating scene, in Joshua Harris words – “I kissed dating goodbye”.
Hmmm… Cringy! Ridiculous! Whatever…
I know lots of people have contradictory views to that. This is not a post on dating, so I won’t go into the nitty gritty of the whys… But just to give you a hint of the reason for a goodbye to dating – It awakens love before it is time (Songs of Solomon 8:4); It is like carrying coals of fire in your bosom expecting it not to burn you (Proverbs 6:27); You defraud each other [take advantage of or raise expectations which can’t be met appropriately] (1 Thessalonians 4:6).
If you’ve got a contrary opinion – put on your thinking and analytical cap, then pass your ideology through the lens of God’s word, with Radiant Purity in mind. What’s the outcome? “I still think my idea is valid”. Ok! You could drop it in the comment section. I’ll love to hear from you.
Now, this doesn’t mean you pull up walls and shut out contact and friendship with males. You’ll simply be denying yourself genuine and healthy relationship with people. Have male friends, but always wear the belt of – emotional integrity.
Heart Challenge
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. (Philippians 4:8)
So girl, hope you’re setting up your Purity HEDGES already? Next week, we’ll be looking at letter E. You don’t have to miss it. That’s the no. 1 gate to the heart.
See you next Wednesday!
Yea! But before you walk away, I’ll love to hear from you. Drop your comments in the box below. Or, contact me here.
Let’s talk RADIANT PURITY!
Remain Radiant!
PIN IT!Notes
- Rhoades, Galena K, and Scott M Stanley. “Before ‘I Do’.” The National Marriage Project, 2014, nationalmarriageproject.org/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/NMP-BeforeIDoReport-Final.pdf.
I love your blog. More of God’s grace to you miss.
Oh, thank you Grace! Love you too… Bless you!