There’s Much More To Sexuality Than Connecting and Catching Fun!

Anyone who knows me won’t believe I’m this messed up! I’m a church girl – brought up in church by Christian parents, attend church regularly, active in youth group, believe the bible, and even once declared my acceptance of Christ as Lord.

And yes, I get the whole idea of sexual purity drummed into our ears; at least, because that’s what the bible says. But it doesn’t just seem to work for me. The more I try to work it out, the more the funny feelings in my body – with things around fueling the fire – constantly pull me away from it. So my question is, WHY? Why the feelings? Why are we told to starve them? Why embrace sexual purity if everything around drives you to feed those desires? (A girl in search of answers)

When the issue of sexual purity is discussed, searching questions like this arise, spoken out or not. And I think it’s good we understand these whys that gives answers to the true essence of our sexuality. I believe an understanding of the “why” will help you understand the “why” and “how” of purity. It’s not enough to know the rules; we need to also know the purpose and plan.

So why those feelings in the first place?

Girl, you’re not crazy, strange or messed up just because of those natural feelings. Our sexuality is an intricate part of who we are originally created to be (Genesis 2: 27). And just like every other thing created, our sexuality was made for a purpose; if used appropriately, it is awesomely beautiful, if misused, it is absolutely brutal.

So, why sexuality – why sex?

Throw this question to the public and you’ll get answers like – to express love, to connect at the deepest level, to have fun, etc. If you’ve not seen or heard such answers directly, at least, you see it played out in the media. Sex is portrayed as an appetite (like food and water) that must be satisfied; you satisfy it, you get all those good stuff listed above. And that sounds like a good deal, right? Like, Eve, eat that apple and your eyes will be open…

But the much untold truth is this – there’s much more to sexuality than connecting and catching fun; it’s a COVENANT.

And who told you that?

I got that from the Manufacturer Himself. God created our sexuality, and He is the only one who has the innate authority to dictate and tell us how it should be expressed. There’s no other  sure guide that has answers to the questions of man than God’s word – the Bible.

So girl, lets dive in and explore the essence of our sexuality. And in fact scripturally and scientifically, you’ll see that our sexuality is all about – a covenant.

Sexuality and Scripture: The Author’s Divine Picture

In Ephesians 5: 31-32 ( For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.  This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church), the bible compares the intimate union between a married man and woman – to be one flesh – to God’s relationship with His bride, the church.

What is the relationship between Christ and the church built on? A covenant – a formal binding, agreement or pledge between two parties. And what characterizes that covenant – an Acceptable sacrifice, Blood, and a Condition (Hebrews 9:14, 22; 10:16). Before one can have intimate relationship with Christ – coming boldly to the throne of grace because the curtain to the Holy of holies has been torn apart – you must get into a covenant relationship with Him (Hebrews 10:19).

That is also what he designed intimate relationship between a man and woman to be. A covenant relationship in marriage opens the curtain to the human sexuality “Holy of holies”, where couples can then be joined together, not just physically, but wholly (Genesis 2:24).

Only the high priest (husband) is qualified for such intimacy; any attempt to walk into the Holy of holies unqualified brings hurt and death, just like in the Old Testament (Hebrews 9:7).

And if you think the intimacy you desire can be fulfilled outside this covenant relationship of marriage – think again. You want to know why?

Just come along!

Back to God’s design right from the beginning… Let’s go to the book of Genesis!

I did a kind of study.

I tried to check up some bible records of sexual relationship between a man and woman. Then I just looked up the original words (Hebrew words) used to pen it down; of course, you know they were inspiringly written.

Now look at this…

I found three (3) Hebrew words that were used in most instances of sexual relationships in Genesis.

1. Bo: meaning – to come in

“And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father (Gen 19:33);

 “And he gave it her, and came in unto her, and she conceived by him” – Judah and Tamar (Genesis 38: 18)

2. Shakab: meaning – to lie with

 “And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her” (Genesis 34:2)

“And she caught him by his garment, saying, Lie with me” (Genesis 39:12)

3. Yada: meaning – to know, to be known, to find out and discern

“And Adam knew Eve his wife” (Gen 4:1)

“And Cain knew his wife” (Genesis 4:17)

Did you just notice something?

The relationship between a husband and wife is actually a deep one; one that actually connects you to know and be known – intimately. And yes, that’s what God desires in His relationship with us His bride; the same Hebrew word – yada – is used in our relationship with Him…

“Be still, and know (yada) that I am God…” (Psalm 46:10).

But did you notice what it’s like outside the covenant boundaries of marriage – come in… lie with…

Absurd! Derogatory!

Girl, is that what you want to reduce yourself to? An object to be walked in and out of, or to simply, lie with. That is what every other form of sexual gratification outside God’s design subjects you to; whether – masturbation, pornography, homosexuality, lust, flirting… – it leaves you destitute and defiled.

That’s why 1 Corinthians 6: 18 says – “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body”.

And the bible has long recorded this before even science discovered this…

Sexuality and Science: Your Brain-Body Promise

In my Pharmacological Biochemistry class, we discussed these interesting neurotransmitters.

Dopamine: We call it the “feel good” hormone. This neurotransmitter makes you “feel good” about something pleasurable, hence getting you addicted to it. Just like someone who takes hard drugs, due dopamine release from the limbic system of brain, you crave to have more just to get back to that “feel good” state. Addiction sets in…

Oxytocin: We call it the “bonding” hormone. Just like a mother holding and cuddling her baby; oxytocin release from the brain during these times contributes to the strong bond between a mum and her child.

And guess what, when you get into a sexual activity, these two neurotransmitters are also released from the Limbic system of your brain.

So what do they do? They drive you to make a promise – a promise to return. Dopamine makes you “feel good” about it, and gradually gets you addicted; oxytocin binds you to that person or thing.

That’ why the bible says, “What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh” (1 Corinthian 6:16).

But don’t forget, there is no true intimacy and connection in it. So it’s just like we saw earlier – coming in… lying with… That’s why people walk away from such acts feeling empty, shameful and depressed, but yet – they want some more. They go back to it even if they don’t feel right about it. It even gets as bad as trying out with other people and things – but it simply leaves you more empty, depressed and craving. And because females have a larger deep limbic system, we are more susceptible to the entire emotional surge (good and bad) that comes with these hormonal changes.

You call it fun, huh? You’re simply ripping yourself apart.

That’s just one part of the horror film.

How about the hurt, broken heart, Sexually transmitted Diseases, HIV/AIDS, unwanted pregnancies, ruined future and dreams… How about the eternal judgement of God (in Hell) that comes upon the children of disobedience…

On the other hand, how about the blessing, bliss and fulfillment that comes with obeying God and doing it His way.

So what’s God’s way? You ask.

PURITY! Sexual integrity!

Radiant Purity… The kind of purity that flows from within you, out, and to those around you.

Because your body is made to be the temple of God (1 Corinthian 6:19, 20).

Now, you might have had different notions on this subject of Purity – impossible, cringy, legalistic, old-fashioned, it’s for virgins – and I’m not, I’m a virgin – so I’m pure…

If you want to experience God’s design for sexuality by embracing sexual purity, just come along with us in this study on Radiant Purity.

It’s not about who you are, what you’ve done, or not done; it’s about what Jesus can do in you if you yield to Him and His word. That’s what I want you to do just now (if you haven’t).

Ask Jesus to come into your heart and be the Lord and Saviour of your soul. Then watch out for how He’ll make your life really – Radiant.

Next week, we’ll be discussing what PURITY really is. It’s much different from what the world thinks…

Don’t miss it.

Yea! But before you walk away, I’ll love to hear from you. Drop your comments and questions in the box below. Or, contact me.

Let’s talk RADIANT PURITY!

Remain Radiant!