That word gets thrown back and forth in many circles today – both christian and circular. At the mention of that word, lots of ideas, concerns and questions jump to the chest of many young women today.
And I know you’ve heard a lot about this word. Some false. Some true.
So let’s discuss 10 fallacies and facts about this buzz word – virginity.
Virginity is a state of being a virgin. A virgin is someone (male or female) who hasn’t been involved in something for the very first time. Relating to the topic at hand, a person who hasn’t got involved in sexual intercourse, or any form of sexual relation.
A Fallacy is a wrong belief or a false/mistaken idea.
While a Fact on the other hand is true, a true piece of information.
Like the bible says, ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.
It’s time to find out the TRUTH!
Fallacy 1: Virginity is for females only
When the word “virginity” is mentioned, almost every inner eyes turns on females. As if men have the liberty to “live their lives” while females should be the only ones concerned about keeping their legs crossed.
Fact: from our definition of virginity, anyone who has not been involved in sexual intercourse is a virgin, whether male or female. So girl, don’t see the virginity or purity talk like a girl cross.
I read some accusations placed on “virginity” for keeping girls in bondage, or hanging a cross on girls while exempting the boys. God demands an equal level of purity from everyone – male or female. It’s not a girl thing.
Fallacy 2: Hymen is the ultimate proof of virginity.
Fact: Hymen is a thin mucosal tissue that surrounds or partially covers the external vaginal opening. In children, a common appearance of hymen is crescent shaped, although many shapes are possible. During puberty, estrogen causes the hymen to change in appearance and become very elastic.
This hymen can rip or tear during first penetrative intercourse, which usually results in pain and sometimes mild temporary bleeding or spotting.
But studies have shown that in a few cases, the hymen can be broken when a lady engages in rigorous activities like horse riding.
And on the other hand, some women with strong hymen won’t have it broken on the first sexual activity.
So, the state of the hymen is not a 100% indicator of virginity. There’s more to it.
Fallacy 3: Once a virgin = a happily-ever-after marriage.
Some young women flaunt their virginity as this badge you flag to God, then He quickly opens the door to a perfect marriage.
Yes, God promises to bless us with the gift of marriage, and yes, a great one for those who obey His word and live to please Him. But you can’t have an A in Mathematics and F in English language and expect your result to be termed “excellent!”
Fact: A good marriage is built by two people who are ready to make their marriage work. The virtuous woman in proverbs 31 didn’t have a happily-ever-after home just because she was a virgin.
Other factors combined forces to make her home a heaven on earth. That’s the reason you must start grooming yourself inside-out… adding to yourself other virtues that will make you a true virtuous woman equipped to build a desirable home.
Fallacy 4: I’ve kept my virginity, so God should give me a good husband early
Like a lady’s comment which I once read: She poured out her frustration that she, the virgin girl was not married, while those who threw the virginity talk out of their windows are getting married quickly.
Fact: God has a plan for your life. He makes all things beautiful in His time. As you keep living a full and fulfilled life as a single lady, He’ll direct your special prince-charming to you. Don’t be carried away with the quick knot-ties you see… Check up in two years’ time and see where they are. You’ll be grateful you waited to do God’s will.
Also, an acclaimed virgin, bible-caring, tongue-speaking, tie-wearing husband isn’t the ultimate definition of a good husband. There are many wolves hiding under long shirts and bible-quoting, in the assembly of God’s people. Beware! Prayerfully let God direct your steps.
Fallacy 5: I’m still a virgin, so I’m pure
Fact: Virginity is not equal to purity. You do dirty chats, allow him to touch your body, or fondle with yourself BUT you’ve always kept your legs closed – it doesn’t mean you’re pure.
In God’s eyes, you’re as defiled as the other person. God is not interested in just keeping your virginity, He’s interested in PURITY. And purity comprises what you do with all of YOU – inside out.
Fallacy 6: I’m not a virgin, I can’t be pure again
Fact: That you’re no more a virgin – technically – doesn’t mean you can’t be pure and whole again.
When you come to Jesus, He’ll wash you and give you a clean slate. And you’re totally free from every condemnation.
Don’t let the devil or anyone make you feel like you’re doomed forever.
Fallacy 7: Most men don’t want to marry virgins.
A lot of peole say things like – men want to know if you’re sexualy compatible before marraige. They want to taste before going to the altar… because they say their sexual lives is so important to them as men.
Fact: It’s disheartening to see young women subject themselves to some cheap commodity that could be tested and then dumped if it doesn’t suit the buyer.
So like 10 or 20 men can keep trying and walking away if they aren’t satisfied. So girls are now sex commodities and experimental tools …eehh Of no other use, significance and importance than to fulfill a man’s sexual urge?
Girl, you are worth much more than that!
The bible says, “that our daughters may be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace” (Prov. 144:12). Palace treasures are no worthless things.
Proverbs 31: 10 says the price of a virtuous woman is far above rubies.
Proverbs 31: 25 says, “Strength and honour (dignity) are her …clothing” Girls, where is our honour, our dignity?
Have you walked into a mall to buy a very valuable commodity, and you have to take it home first, try it out, and then return it marred to the owner if you don’t like it. No way!
You completely pay before it’s even put into your hands. And you take it home confident that the producer did a good work.
How much more God, who created you and said you are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). So why will you let a man define your worth, and qualify to be his wife – on a bed. Nah nah …nah
“Sex is so important to men.” Correct! But do you think the God that created it won’t help you both know how to explore it at the right time… on the marriage bed?
Fallacy 8: Keeping one’s virginity is hard and impossible today
Fact: With the media bombarding us with sexual scenes that appear pleasurable and harmless, the pressure to compromise is harder today than ever. And in these times when pursuers can easily follow hard on you through different social media platforms, it feels more difficult to resist the advances.
God’s grace is sufficient, sis. Others stood and are standing. I am. You can.
Fallacy 9: “When we value the concept of virginity, it perpetuates the notion that women are mere properties.”
That’s a statement someone made against virginity teachings/talks . Also, lot of people make similar statements as a reason for us to reduce the volume on the purity and saving sex for the right time teachings. They claim it’s the heavy “keep your virginity teaching” that subject women to the rape and sexual assault we face.
Fact: We’ve earlier pointed out that virginity isn’t just for women.So women shouldn’t be labelled as properties to verify if a virgin or not.
And yes, females face heightened cases of different forms of sexual assaults. Very disheartening. Rape and the likes are grievous sins against people, especially, women.
But rather than accuse purity teachings, we need to understand that all evil and sins originate from the Adamic nature of mankind. God’s word vehemently frowns at such wickedness: If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy (1 Corithians 3:17)
Fallacy 10: There’s no special reward for keeping your virginity. Those who don’t keep theirs are happily living their lives.
Sometimes, you may wonder if it really pays to keep staying pure, and preserving your virginity. One women even blurted out the anger and shame she said she felt on the “first night” of her marriage… blaming it on the “save yourself for marriage” teaching.
This and more are some of the scenarios the devil digs up to make your heart faint.
Like she said – That you won’t end up getting married, or even if you do, you won’t enjoy true sexual fulfillment if you “save it for the first night”.
Fact: God’s way always turns out best!
Bury that statement in your heart.
Those who disobey God’s word may appear to be fine outside, but inside, you don’t know the heated battles they face or the missiles awaiting them.
Sin surely has consequences – “Though hand join in hand, the wicked shall not be unpunished: but the seed of the righteous shall be delivered” (Prov.11:21).
So before you think they are happy, get into the sanctuary like David did and see the end of the foolish and wicked. (Psalm 73:17,18)
“And for feeling disappointed after all the wait…” (raising this point because you might have read or heard something similar to this)
No, God doesn’t disappoint those obey Him and are open to knowledge in line with His word.
Even a research has something to say about that. USA Today sometime published a research article titled, “Aha! Call it the Revenge of the Church Ladies”. It reported that “Christian women (and the men who sleep with them, aka their husbands) are among the most sexually satisfied people on the face of the earth “. They went further to say – As David Larson of the National Institute for Healthcare Research reports, “Couples not involved before marriage and faithful during marriage appear to be more satisfied with their current sex life than those who were involved sexually before marriage.”
Does that ring a bell? You always get the best when you do it God’s way.
So girl, let’s discuss more. What other fallacies and/or facts have you heard about virginity?
The comment section is open!