I’ve not fully recovered from the trauma of that 5 minutes gratification.
He was more than a dear friend; he was my confidant and provider, always willing to give me whatever I requested.
I’ve finally found the “husband” of my dreams, so I thought.
We attend the same church and work together in the choir unit.
Gradually, he started requesting something.
Something I so much treasured. Something I vowed to disclose to just one person. After we seal our “deal”.
What I fought so hard to keep and radically told everyone to fight for.
I was a Christian, and I know and believe God’s design of “keeping the marriage bed undefiled”.
I tried turning him down over and over until one fateful day…
It was a fierce bargain – “I give you all you want and promise you so much more. I just need this one thing from you please… or you’ll push me to go get it somewhere else,” he fired.
But I thought we’re Christians?
“Yes, but I’m a man, I’ve been patient enough. I love you so much and will still marry you.”
With the look in his eyes, pressure emanating from his breath, and threat in his tone… I got disarmed.
One deafening voice kept saying, “just do it; you’ll repent and recover latter.”
It slowly drowned that still voice that told me to FLEE.
Five minutes later, it was done.
I felt empty, light, angry, ashamed… indescribable feelings of grief engulfed me.
I quietly picked my bag, walked home, fell by my bedside and continued grieving in tears. I prayed, confessed, and asked God for forgiveness over and over.
I know God forgives whoever confesses his/her sin, but… It’s over two months, and my whole life seems disintegrated – spirit, soul and body.
I feel lost! I trashed out my treasure, and I can’t get it back again. Because… It can only be given for the first time – ONCE.
That was a fictitious story that dropped on my heart some time ago, as I studied Genesis 25:29-34.
I read how Esau despised his birthright and sold it for portage of lentiles.
And it reminded me of how lots of ‘Christians’ sell their birthright – especially in the area of sexual purity – for transient, temporary things like money, job, pleasure, proposed marriage, and other material things.
Yes, you can repent, and of course, God will forgive you. But, recovering from it is a whole different thing. It could be more than you ever bargained.
The devil can capture you in the web of unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, regrets, sexual addictions, heartbreaks, and feeling of worthlessness.
You may appear bold and “enjoying yourself” outwardly, but you know the fears and pain that grip your heart.
This was said about Esau – ” For ye know that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for He found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears” (Hebrews 12:17).
But I don’t want you to stay in the web of the devil, even if he’s caged you there already.
Jesus is always ready to save you if you will COME today.
“At the times of ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men everywhere to repent” (Acts 17:30).
And after you come, don’t slide back into your past life. God can and will help you stand.
I wrote practical ways you can stay pure – inside-out – in my book, RADIANT PURITY.
Get a copy and read. Read it again and soak up those scriptural verses that will help you stand.
Remember, there’s a lot more to sexual purity. Being a virgin is not enough. How about your heart, ears, eyes, lips…?
Now, go pick up the book and find out.
Questions or some purity practical tips you know, let’s meet in the comment section.