I’ve not fully recovered from the trauma of that 5 minutes gratification.
He was more than a dear friend; he was my confidant and provider, always willing to give me whatever I requested. I’ve finally found the “husband” of my dreams, so I thought.
He attends my church, so he’s a ‘Christian’. But, after a while, gradually, he started requesting for something. Something I so much treasured, something I vowed to disclose to just one person after our “deal” is sealed.
What I fought so hard to keep and radically told everyone to fight for. I was a Christian, and I know and believe in God’s design of “keeping the marriage bed undefiled.” I tried turning him down over and over until one fateful day…
It was a fierce bargain.
“I give you all you want and promise you so much more. I just need this one thing from you please… or you’ll push me to go get it somewhere else,” he fired.
But I thought were Christians?
“Yes, but I’m a man, I’ve been patient enough. I love you so much and will still marry you.”
With the look in his eyes, pressure emanating from his breath, and threat in his tone… I got disarmed. One deafening voice kept saying, “just do it; you’ll repent and recover later.“
It slowly drowned that still voice that told me to FLEE.
Five minutes later, the deed was done! I felt empty, light, angry, ashamed… indescribable feelings of grief engulfed me. I quietly grabbed my bag, walked home, fell by my bedside, and continued grieving in tears.
I prayed, confessed, and asked God for forgiveness over and over. I know God forgives whoever confesses his/her sin, but… It’s over two months, and my whole life seems disintegrated – spirit, soul, and body. I feel lost!
I trashed out my treasure, and I can’t get it back to have that first time experience on the right bed AGAIN.
****
That’s just a fictitious story. But it paints a picture of how lots of people – Christians at that – toy with the godly treasures we recieve from God.
As I read how Esau despised his birthright and sold it for portage of lentiles (Genesis 25: 29-34), it just reminded me of how lots of ‘Christians’ sell their birthright – especially in the area of sexual purity – for transient, temporary things like: money, job, pleasure, proposed marriage, and other material things.
And it’s not just about sexual purity. Think of other ways that peers, the media, some family members, colleagues and anyone could tempt you to throw off the window a godly treasure.
The next time you get the whisper of “just do it now and repent later,” here are three things to remember:
1. You may never recover everything: Yes, you can repent, and of course, God will forgive you. But recovering from it is a whole different thing. It could be more than you ever bargained for. Because the devil makes it so hard for you to forgive yourself. Shame and regret stare into your face – morning, afternoon, and night.
But, permanent shame and regret isn’t God’s plan for anyone. I discussed how to get rid of that shame and embrace Christ’s love in the Radiant Purity book. Get your copy here.
Esau really tried to get back his birthright- ” For ye know that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for He found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears” (Hebrews 12:17).
2. Sinful habits get addictive: Once you give keys to the devil, he’ll keep coming in without permission. So many once-upon-a-time believers, who walked into sin still struggle to find their way out. A kind of pull draws them back to the mess again and again… Till their consciences get seared.
They walk into sin, walk straight to church… and even the pulpit… to sing or preach.
That’s the reason the bible, in 1 Peter 2: 20 says, “For if after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, they are again entangled therein, and overcome, the latter end is worse with them than the beginning.”
3. You may die in the act: I’m sure you’ve heard of stories of a pastor who died in a hotel room while “making out” with a lady. Some meet accidents on the road and die at the spot. The devil is wicked. He won’t allow you to have the opportunity to repent. He’s been in the business of deciet for over thousands of years, so you can’t outsmart him.
“At the times of ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent” (Acts 17:30).
So girl, I hope you won’t fall for the trick of “do it now, repent later.” Keep those three points in mind. Resist the devil.
May God grant you the grace to Remain Radiant!
