“Just get drowned in your career and allow this marriage thing to sleep”, I said to myself.
Really?! Which girl doesn’t dream of a home, a sweet hubby, and lovely kids jumping on you and asking for ice cream? I did. I do. But the “get married now preaching”, coupled with the much heard and read marriage thorns made me sick.
The self-imposed sickness lingered until God started injecting truth of biblical femininity into my blood. Ok! I didn’t even know I was sick; I’m driving towards a “fulfilled woman”, I thought. But God used them to lead me into the truth that revolved my life.
With my earpiece on, I walked down to church on a Saturday evening (I was so accustomed to listening to messages and podcasts). Cars running in different directions, people chatting in high tones, shopping, and sitting out to watch… yet I was glued to the words that filtered into my ears from my phone. I can’t even remember saying hi to anyone.
Then a statement by this Godly woman struck my heart… (I’ll paraphrase)
The marriage union is a picture of Christ’s relationship with the church, His bride. How motivated is the devil about marring that picture? Very motivated! If Christians shy away from marriage, pushing it farther and farther, or not cultivating a heart to build it into God’s description and design, how will the world see and learn Christ’s love… His love for the church?
That question gripped my heart and drove my eyes up to God. There and then, I asked Him to forgive my foolish thinking.
Girl, your role in spreading God’s love, and building a desirable nation and world – as a “homemaker” – is divine. God has created us to be life givers, nurturers – homemakers.
A homemaker is a person who manages the household of his or her own family, especially as a principal occupation. In Titus 2:5, Paul admonishes older women to teach the younger ones to be keepers at home. This “home keeping” role talks drive a lot of contemporary women to boil with disdain.
Our culture tells us its a trap and trick used to marginalize women. Yes. My heart bleeds for women are deadened in their homes. But a man who guns down a woman is more of a hunter than a husband. True men give their women the room to live purposeful lives – fulfilling their dreams. ( Girl, pray and prepare to have such man)
But for some women, it’s the issue of the much heralded “equality”, not necessarily a hunter-man around. “Everyone is equal and every work everywhere should be done equally”, they say. Without paying attention to God’s design, they make their own description of what they want and designate roles to themselves.
As I thought about “home keeping“, I remembered “goalkeepers”.
In a football match, I watched recently, my eyes were fixed on the goalkeepers. They move from one end of the post to the other – punch the ball, catch the ball or kick the ball back into play – all in a bid to keep the post safe from the opponent’s shot.
Abandoning the goal post and jumping into the field is a “no way”… The coach him there ‘cos he knows he perfectly fits into that role. Without him, the match will be a mirage.
The devil is out to distract and dissuade women from being keepers. He’s lied to us: That home keeping is demeaning and useless. That cultivating a heart for the home – cooking, organization, love child training – shouldn’t bother you. The devil wants us to fling our eyes the other way, jump into the field with every energy – “I want to be all out, scoring goals like others. Comparisons. Self.
I don’t mean you shouldn’t handle or throw the ball (career, money or whatever interests you), you can, you should, you must… But you can’t abandon the keeping of the goal post (the home).
However, there’s the place of preparation and practice if you must be effective and excellent.
Walking up the altar and saying I do doesn’t change you. It could change your surname and status, but not your soul. Who you’ll be after the status change will be a mirror reflection of who you are now. You’ve got to put to practice the life you’re preparing to live. Cultivate the soul of true femininity. Learn. Buy books. Study the life of those who have walked this path before you.
Do a stock check of your present lifestyle.
Are you lazy? You don’t know how to cook. Really? So how will your family be fed? How about emotional intelligence? Have you started working on it… Learning how to manage those emotional outbursts and unnecessary swings… I don’t mean things anger and unforgiving spirit – those ones should be handled at the foot of the cross, and then you grow in grace.
Are you a girl of prayer? What’s your personal relationship with God like? Have you so much drank of the water of life so that when dryness creeps in, you have an outflow of water – encouragement, counsel, love – to soak up your home? The work in your hands now (are you even working at all?), how faithful and fruitful are you?
Someday, you want to be a Godly wife and mum. God has placed “husbands” and “children” around you now. Your dad, your siblings, even other men around you. How do you treat them? Do you love and respect them (appropriately)? Do you care for others? If you can’t love and serve dad (and mum) and siblings today, what makes you think you’ll be ready to love and serve a husband and kids in the future?
“But they’re simply annoying.” Annoying?! I get it. They could really be, girl. But you think the man you’ll marry will be all prim and proper… he won’t “annoy” you? No, sis. Our personalities could make us step on each other’s toes. That’s the reason you have to learn to let go and let love reign.
What I say unto you, I say unto myself… Pray. Prepare. Practice. And by the way, you’re a woman every time – young or old, married or single – because God created you a woman. Live like a woman.
You spend your time pining away for your one true love and suddenly…voila! You’re married and it’s a lot more than you bargained for. Now is the hour you should be preparing to be a help meet. (Debi Pearl)
Preparing to be a helpmeet (Debi Pearl), Let me be a woman (Elisabeth Elliot), A woman after God’s own heart (Elizabeth George), Hallelujah diet, Five love languages (Gary Chapman), Radiant femininity mirror (Chiamaka Oji)